Gone
by Erin M. Blair
Summary: How come Scully's gone from Mulder's life? Will she ever return to him?


Title: Gone  
  
Author: Erin M. Blair  
  
E-Mail: eblair@sonic.net  
  
Classification: SRA--Story, Romance, Angst.   
  
Content: Mulder/Scully Romance. Mulder POV.  
  
Time Span/Spoilers: Two Fathers/One Son.  
  
Rating: PG  
  
Distribution/Archive Statement: OK to Gossamer,  
  
Xemplary, After the Fact, Ephemeral, Spookys, FanficX, Basement   
  
Office Archives. Other archivists - please ask me first.  
  
Date: First draft was written on: July 18, 2003. Written and   
  
edited during the past several months. Final draft: October, 30, 2003.  
  
Disclaimer: Mulder and Scully belong to Chris Carter.   
  
Acknowledgement: Thanks to Jen for beta reading my  
  
story.   
  
Summary: How come Scully's gone from Mulder's life? Will  
  
she ever return to him?  
  
------------------------------------  
  
GONE  
  
Written by: Erin M. Blair  
  
------------------------------------  
  
There was a time when I thought Scully   
  
would always be with me forever. I thought   
  
she was my anchor in a troubled world. Unfortunately,   
  
the day that I thought would never happen *did*   
  
happen. The day when Scully left me and the   
  
X-Files came completely out of the blue.  
  
Never to come back.  
  
It was hard to believe how only a day went   
  
by and then Scully was gone for good. I pretty   
  
much drove her away from me. I'm pretty much   
  
to blame for her leaving the X-Files.  
  
And me.   
  
I can't believe Scully left the X-Files - it's   
  
hard to believe she left after seeing Diana   
  
Fowley kiss me. She said, "I can't be with you   
  
when you don't trust me anymore."   
  
I know she's hurt. I saw her face flush   
  
with pain as she directed those words to me. I   
  
know how she thinks that I destroyed the   
  
trust between us. I understand how angry   
  
she was, mad even, at me.   
  
"Mulder," I tell myself, "Don't go   
  
there." Unfortunately for me, I still go   
  
there. I still want her to be with me  
  
and as my partner on the X-Files. I strongly   
  
question my actions surrounding her leaving.   
  
I wish I could take it all back. I want   
  
to take back all of the accusations that I threw   
  
at her at the Lone Gunman office. I   
  
went too far. I wish I could go back through   
  
time and reconsider my actions surrounding   
  
Diana and Scully.   
  
* * *  
  
I remember the day she left me. It was shortly   
  
after our discussion about Diana in the Lone   
  
Gunman's office.   
  
"Mulder," Scully said to me as we just got   
  
back from meeting with Skinner and Kersh about   
  
the X-Files with Jeffrey Spender. "This time, I'm   
  
not sure if I can go on..."  
  
"What happens to "If I quit now, they win,"   
  
Scully?"   
  
I could never get over Scully's sorrowful   
  
expression on her face. The dead look in her   
  
blue eyes spoke volumes to me. All   
  
I wanted to do was to try to show Scully   
  
how much I felt for her, but she didn't   
  
want any of that. I could hear her sigh. She   
  
looked like as though her heart was breaking with   
  
the loss of me. "I feel that we've lost our trust   
  
in each other, Mulder. I trusted you with my   
  
life but now--things have changed."  
  
Scully didn't want to say anything else to me   
  
and I noticed her mood was reflective through the entire  
  
day. What things had changed? We got the X-Files   
  
back and still Scully wasn't happy. I wondered why. I   
  
needed to know why she thought things had  
  
changed. "What has changed between us, Scully?"  
  
"We lost the trust, Mulder. You don't trust me   
  
anymore. You'd rather have Diana as your partner."  
  
"Scully, you're wrong," I said to her. I wanted   
  
her so much. I just wished she knew how much I needed   
  
her. "You mean the world to me. I would die if   
  
anything ever happens to you. I trust you   
  
more than I ever trust anyone else."  
  
"Does that include Diana?" Scully asked.  
  
I didn't know what to say to that. All I wanted   
  
was for Scully to know that I trusted her. "I trust   
  
you, Scully."  
  
Scully left the next day for parts unknown to   
  
me. She didn't even tell me goodbye.  
  
* * *   
  
When Scully left me and the X-Files, I didn't   
  
have the heart to go on cases. My spirits were   
  
too low, and I took my vacation days to go to   
  
Martha's Vineyard. I still had a family home   
  
there, and I just wanted to get away.   
  
I had to come to realize that Scully was gone   
  
for good. She was never coming back to me.   
  
When I made that realization, my cell phone   
  
rang. It was buzzing in my jacket and I   
  
answered it. "Mulder," I said dully.   
  
"Mulder, I need you to return to DC as soon   
  
as you can," said Skinner.   
  
"Is this a new case? I told you --"   
  
"I want you to come back to DC. I have this   
  
new case about a murder in California that   
  
needs to be investigated. You're   
  
the best profiler that I know..."  
  
I really didn't want to go on any investigations   
  
until I figured out what I wanted to do with   
  
my life without Scully. "Is this an X-File?"  
  
"Yes, this is an X-File. You are going to   
  
be undercover as a married man in Arcadia,   
  
California."  
  
I groaned. I didn't care if it was an X-File. It was   
  
the last thing that I needed. "I'm not sure   
  
about this..."  
  
"I can guarantee you this would be good for you."  
  
"I guess I'll do it." As long as I didn't think about   
  
Scully, I would be OK.  
  
* * *  
  
I caught the red eye to DC. It had been two days since I   
  
got back, and it had been over a week since Scully left. I   
  
knew Skinner wanted me to do that undercover assignment   
  
as a part of a married couple. I could have asked Diana Fowley  
  
to help me, but if Scully lived in the same town, then I  
  
would rather not risk it. I called Skinner on the cell   
  
phone. "Who is my new partner? Is it Diana   
  
Fowley? Or some unknown FBI agent that I haven't   
  
even met yet?"   
  
"You'll see when you come in. You're going to be   
  
surprised," said Skinner.   
  
"Is this about Scully? I doubt she'll be my partner   
  
again."  
  
Skinner said again, "You'll see, Mulder."  
  
I went to Skinner's office and I sat down in the   
  
waiting room, waiting for Kimberly to acknowledge   
  
me. I had no idea what to expect, only to have a   
  
new partner again. I really didn't want a new partner   
  
because I remembered what a disaster Krycek turned  
  
out to be.   
  
"Agent Mulder, you can come in," said Kimberly. She   
  
peered through the door to Skinner's office.   
  
"Thanks, Kim." I replied to her as she held the   
  
door, directing me to Skinner's office. I   
  
walked into Skinner's spacious office and went   
  
to my regular seat on the right, not wanting to   
  
notice the empty seat next to me. "Skinner, I   
  
understand you wanted to talk to me?"   
  
I could see Skinner nod with concern for me. "How   
  
are you, Mulder? I know it's been a week   
  
since Scully left."   
  
"I'm fine, Skinner."   
  
"Are you sure?" questioned Skinner. "I have been   
  
worried about you, Mulder."  
  
"Sir, I'm fine. What's this case about? Who is   
  
going to replace Scully?"   
  
"You're not getting a new partner. Your partner   
  
wants to come back to be on the X-Files," said Skinner.  
  
I turned to face Scully, who walked in to sit down   
  
at her regular seat, and my face flushed with shock.   
  
* * *  
  
I got up from my seat and walked towards Scully. I   
  
couldn't believe Scully was standing there in   
  
Skinner's office. I directed my 'Scully, what   
  
are you doing here? I thought you were gone for   
  
good!' at Scully. I couldn't believe my wish   
  
for her to come back was granted.   
  
"I needed some time to think, Mulder. It was hard to   
  
grasp my feelings about everything. I was so scared   
  
of losing you to Diana that I couldn't think   
  
straight," said Scully. "I know you trust me, Mulder. I   
  
am sorry for what pain I've caused you."   
  
"I'm so glad you're back; what made you change   
  
your mind?"  
  
Scully gave me a rueful sigh. "I felt like a fool,   
  
Mulder. I'm jealous of Diana Fowley. She shared a   
  
part of you that I never had. She calls you by   
  
your first name and you never let me call you Fox. I   
  
have to admit it bothers me."  
  
She left me because she was jealous of Diana   
  
Fowley. I didn't know whether to laugh   
  
or cry. I wonder why, being the profiler that I   
  
am, I couldn't see this coming. "Scully, how come   
  
you never told me this?"  
  
"I tried, but you just kept on telling me the virtues   
  
of Diana Fowley. I just felt that you loved her, not   
  
me."  
  
I wanted to hold her but wasn't sure if I should   
  
even dare. However, I needed to tell her how I   
  
felt towards her. Scully deserved to know how   
  
much I love her. I wanted Scully in my life   
  
and I was afraid that she would leave me. "Scully,   
  
do you know how much I trust you? I trust you   
  
more than Diana Fowley. Sure, she helped me   
  
with the X-Files but we accomplished more   
  
than the time I was with her. You've got to   
  
believe me. Your science and rationalism have saved   
  
me a thousand times. You've kept me honest and   
  
sane. You have grounded me and made me feel   
  
like a whole person," I said.   
  
"I was insecure, Mulder. More than anything, I want   
  
to be your partner in every sense of the word. If   
  
you'll have me, that is," replied Scully.   
  
I couldn't believe Scully was here with me. I   
  
wrapped my arms around her waist for a hug. Then I   
  
watched her tiptoe to plant a kiss on my forehead. Then   
  
my eyes gazed into her blue eyes. The heat   
  
between us was intensified. I wanted more than   
  
anything to kiss her. "Scully...Let's go in   
  
our office. I don't want anyone to see us   
  
kissing. Know what I mean?"   
  
Scully nodded and she agreed with me. "That's a   
  
good idea."  
  
Scully and I walked down to our basement office where   
  
we started to kiss again. My mouth met hers; her lips   
  
were warm to the touch. I couldn't believe that I was   
  
finally kissing Scully on the lips. Sure, I tried to   
  
kiss her in the hallway at my apartment months ago   
  
but this was the first time we completed a full mouth   
  
kiss. I just wish we had kissed in the very beginning; our   
  
lives would have changed if we had decided to become more   
  
than just partners. Unfortunately, I was afraid that   
  
she would rebuff my efforts.  
  
When we finally came up for some air, I was still   
  
close enough to Scully's body to hear her heart   
  
beating. "Are you happy that we kissed, Scully?"  
  
She nodded. I could tell from her blue eyes   
  
that she was shedding happy tears. "Mulder,  
  
you don't know how long I've waited for this to   
  
happen. I wanted you to know how much  
  
I love you but I was afraid to tell you. I was so   
  
scared that you might tell me you didn't  
  
love me or wanted to remain partners..."  
  
I knew exactly how she felt, but I was afraid   
  
she might rebuff me! "I was so scared that you   
  
might turn me down. I always told you how much   
  
I love you, but you told me that I was crazy   
  
or something."  
  
Scully's eyes narrowed. I think she was   
  
remembering our conversation from a few months   
  
back. "Mulder, you were so drugged that I thought  
  
you'd forget you ever said that. That's why I didn't   
  
take you seriously."   
  
"I understand, Scully. I let you off the   
  
hook for that. I do know that it wasn't a   
  
good time to tell you. I should have tell   
  
you much earlier than that. The truth is,  
  
Scully, I'm glad you're not gone. When   
  
you left me, my whole reason for being  
  
didn't exhist without you. You mean so   
  
much to me, Scully. You always will." I smiled  
  
gently at Scully. I feel so alive now   
  
that Scully's here.  
  
She's not gone. I shouldn't have said 'never   
  
to come back' as I should always believed   
  
she might return to me.   
  
She's right here, loving me fully and   
  
unconditionally. Her blue eyes gaze up at me and   
  
I could feel her close to me. She knows the   
  
truth of how I feel about her. I will never  
  
lose her again.   
  
I know that now.  
  
End of Story.  
  
Feedback: I love to hear from my readers. Please   
  
send your comments and questions to: eblair@sonic.net   
  
Author's Notes: I have truly enjoyed writing   
  
this story. This was another story coming  
  
from me wondering why the relationship   
  
between Mulder and Scully seemed so  
  
off in the episode, "One Son." It bothered me  
  
so much that I have written so many fics on  
  
that one epsode alone! :) It just amazes me  
  
how one episode could equate so many stories.  
  
I would like to thank my beta reader, Jen, who  
  
was an enormous help for me. :) 


End file.
